fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
