I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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