We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
