Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
