Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
