Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
