He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
