I seem to have left my pride at pride
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
