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"it" just moved
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
