You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
