The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
