whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
