I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
