So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
