Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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