I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
