I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
