did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize