Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there was a trapeze. enough said
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
