I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
