Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
