I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've blown a few things in my day
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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