Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
