lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
