I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize