feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
