All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
