Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
