Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i was born a porn star she said
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize