Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
