Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
