my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
