Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
