This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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