There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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