I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
