2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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