He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
