Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
