so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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