there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
