16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
