Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
