Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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