I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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