We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
