I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
