Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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