She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had sex on a roof
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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