The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
