Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize