I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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