And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This girl is more easily done than said...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
