U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize