You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think your dad took our porno
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
