Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
