VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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