Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is my gift to your gina
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
