hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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