I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
