I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
