Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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