Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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