So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
