So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
