Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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